I Loved You, I Really Do
by EstelleWhite
Summary: Remus is at James Potter and Lily Evans wedding, remembering the past. One-sided Remus/James, James/Lily. Reviews very much appreciated :


The flowers, white lilies of course, are beautifully arranged. What else could one expect? On a day as special as this you would of course make sure to make everything as beautiful as possible, especially for her. I'm sitting next to Sirius on one of the long mahogany benches. The sun shines through the large windows that cast beautiful diamond shiny reflections over the long church floor. And there you stand, with twinkling eyes and the most proud, but nervous smile I've ever seen on your face. You have always been so brave, even before the worst dangers.

_"Just hang on, it is over soon, Moony. Then you will not feel the slightest of pain anymore. "James rubbed his hand up and down Remus's back. Remus felt how his bones cracked, bent, changed. A sharp pain in all of his limbs. He heard his heart throbbing in his ears. His eyes, half brown, half with a tinge of gold, tried to focus on James. His pupils were small and his eyes large in terror. "James, please ... You must go! I have no idea what I would do to you ..! "His voice was pleading, but distorted in pain. He could feel the adrenaline begin to pump through his veins and give him the werewolfs vigilant senses. A cry escaped him by the feeling of a crack in his spine. "Trust me, Moony. Me and Padfoot is with you, until you wake up tomorrow. "James whisper in his ear was more soothing than anything he had ever felt before. Sure enough, he was also the first Remus saw the next morning when he awoke on the cold floor with a blanket over his cold, aching body._

Maybe that was when it started. The warm feeling inside that made me smile whenever you were near. It happens that I still feel it around you. But of course I never told you, and never will. It was never my intention, for what would you say? Maybe you would just say that we would always continue to be friends and that it was okay. That one day I would find someone who would love me. That could love me for everything that I am. That it is possible. But it never happened. You have always been the one who gave me the wonderful feeling of warm happiness in my body that made my cheeks blush bright red and made me smile and laugh. Now the church doors open. I was totally absorbed in my own thoughts, and didn´t notice at all that the beautiful music began. All guests, young or old, your parents and hers stand up and turn towards the enormous church doors. Even her sister is here. I've never seen her so reluctantly excited before. She has always looked at your tall dark figure with disgust and something resembling jealousy, and I've heard her call you and Lily the most terrible things, but as she sits there now, with the special glow in her eyes that only a sister would have on her sister's weddingday, I can almost forgive her.

Now she steps inside the doors. Organ music, solemn and beautiful tones echoes beautifully toward the vaulted ceiling. She is breathtaking. I hold my breath in rapt admiration at the sight of how her rust red hair waves down her white-clad back. Her pearly skin is bared on the shoulders, and her long, slim figure embraced by a simple white dress, adorned with beautiful flowers. Their bright green color matches her captivating green eyes. They are as endearing and warm as they always have been, with the same vibrant glow. There is no doubt that she has a will and a love like no other, and you knew from day one, didn´t you? Even I had to admit this since I first spoke with her and heard her gentle voice. I care so much for Lily, and I always have. Since our third year in Gryffindor, you have always been the most captured by the almost supernaturally beautiful creature that is Lily Evans, soon to be Lily Potter.

_It was an unusually dry month of October. The sun shone from a blue sky. It was a very lazy Saturday, and Remus Lupin entertained himself by sending small tornadoes across the grass. They whirled leaves up and spun them around and around. The red and orange leaves made it almost resemble small firestorms. Sirius Black watched the scene with calm gray eyes, but gradually began to get bored. He nudged James Potter in the side with an elbow. "Hey, what are you staring at?" He asked, hoping that it could bring some excitement into his at the moment very uneventful life. James was awakened with a gasp of the sudden, violent gesture and rubbed his ribs. He shot Sirius a slightly annoyed glance, but soon his attention was drawn to the greenhouses again. A bunch of Gryffindor girls were striding over the grass, among them Lily Evans. Her movements were so very elegant and her hair swayed back and forth across her back. James Potter had never been so captivated by a girl before and he was not sure when it began, but Lily Evans, she was something special._

I had noticed it as early as that October day, and I remember it like it was nothing further than a week ago. I cannot help but smile at how much your expression right now resembles the one you had that day. It's almost as if you see her for the first time, with great attentive puppy eyes, halfway gaping and with the same fascinated confidence. You knew she would be yours already then, and you're just as sure of it now. And I can see how happy it makes you. You spread your lips into a great smile, and I'm sure that if Sirius had not risen up and taken a hold of your robes, you would have run to her straight away, taken her in your arms and swung her around in pure ecstasy. You're so sure of your future, and of course, it will be with her. You could not have asked for more.

I notice how it cuts and stings into my soul, but I hold my spirits high and a big smile on my face. Can I be anything but happy on your behalf? I know that I too will be part of your future. You said so to me so many years ago and I know I can still trust your words, for there is something you definitely have, in addition to Gryffindor courage, and that is loyalty. And I will always stand behind you, James Potter, even though part of me longs painfully and futile after being the one who stands by your side at the altar, and for the rest of your life, beneath your loving gaze.


End file.
